Friday, November 8, 2013

What went wrong?

College life is great, i start a new life there.
new friends, new environment, new personality
there's still something inside me that can't move on
god dammit its been 2 fuckin years
i'm done with school life
why am i still haunted by memories..

Am i changing myself just to prove to that person i'm better now?
or am i changing for the good of my own?
i'm in denial answering that question..
i wish i could move on quickly
but it looks like i need more time and more person to meet
my will is weak,
i can move on but something is pulling me to the past
fuck i don't know .___.
i'm retarded in this..

Minzzy out

Thursday, February 21, 2013

So Far Away

Too much depression,,
too many contradiction..
i feel so empty,
searching for a reason to live,
i've lost so many precious things
i've lost my mid-school best buds..
i;ve lost the person who made me feel perfect..
i've lost my hope..

too many to list all those things that i once had,
what the hell am i doing with my life..
but the saddest part is,
i once lost my two bestfriends
friends that i wish i could grow old with

thanks for the great memories guys
i'll never forget you khai and amir..
but it's time for me to go..

Wednesday, February 13, 2013


I never chose to lived this way,
i never chose to be this way..
it's tough when you learned your lesson in life
from the hard way
it's hard to forget what you've been through
what you've done
what you've lose..

we can't win all the time,
that's just life,
when you're up, one day you'll fall
i once red a random quote from a website
it said 
"we can do anything, but not everything"
it sucks that we have to make a choice,
and that choice must be the correct one
weather we know it or not..

i made a bad choice once,
and i hope to god that i'll never made that kinda
choice again,
because that'll be the last thing i want to feel again
getting hurt,

If you want to follow your heart, 
make sure you take your brain with you,
because heart always fuck things up

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Toy Soldier

i once dreamed that i was a soldier,
i don't think its a great dream,
you know being a soldier, the hero of the country
no not that kinda type of soldier dream.

i dreamed that, i was in a war zone in a city,
i was laying down on the ground and
my hand was bleeding,
as my vision was blurry
i watch lots of cannons shooting up in the sky
trying to blow up the planes that flying around above,
as i tried to get up, all of my bestfriends got shot
and died in front of me
i was shock because i don't know what the hell 
happened before i was down,
 it was very devastating to watch
your closes friends died.
as i kneel myself down,
one of the enemies point an AK-47 gun 
in front of my face
i feel nothing but want to die on that time
i feel like, i'm helpless, letting my friends died in a war zone
after i took a bullet in the head,
my mind goes blank, and after a few minutes
i woke up, and i said
"thank god it's a dream"
all of my muscles are weak,
i can't even walk straight after i woke up,
after a few minutes then, i was back to normal.

i tell you, that was one of the scariest dream, 
that usually dream,
this is minzzy, signing out

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Surviving Alone

Sometimes i wish i was born
with full of luck
its not that i don't appreciate the things
i have now, NO
it's just that, it sucks to be alone,
surviving in this world alone
i just wish that, i have a special person
that i can talk with, someone who can really
cheers me up, getting my hopes back up

It drives me crazy in this depression 
i'm not desperate on having someone to love
no, its just that i missed being love that's all,
you know that feeling when you have no one
and you watch all of your friends
have someone to talk with
someone they can be secure with?
yeahh that's what i feel right now

I'm not bragging that i'm a loner son of a bitch,
I'm not desperate to be loved,
i'm just a boy
who needs someone that can fully
take care of my spirits and hopes
I just want to share my problems with someone
and that someone can cheers me up
that's all...'

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Complication In Conflict

it needs time
it needs to be earn
it needs to be happy.

i don't know what's going on with me
a couple of days ago,
i don't know weather i'm really in love .__.
or just another feelings that come and go
the last time that i'm in love
i was hurt after a few months later
now, am i ready to get back in the love game?
i don't know weather what i'm doing now
is right or wrong,
is this the right time to fell in love?
FUCK i hate this -,-
i just want to have an  amazing adventure! =__=
fun fun fun fun~
that's all,

I just hate conflict t-,-

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Life is sweet

We're all fighting for a chance to live,
fighting for something we want to achieve,
something worth for us to live with,
even thought if its a burden..

I missed the things that i used to had
being a non-smoker,
being a kid and never wish to be an adult,
its funny that when we grew up,
we have to think all those things,
like, politics, responsibility, love,
survival, news, safety,
and all other bullshit that
we need to take precocious

i used to achieve something real,
well at least i thought it was real..
and when i lost that thing,
i felt, empty
felt like,"what a waste,
i'm like a piece of fuck, ass cunt god damn
pathetic bastard"
i felt down for so long
and it took months to moved on
and getting me back up high..

and i'm proud of myself now
because, i can hold on to what i haven't got,
sometimes we watch the sky,
trying to forget the past,
and we realize that, without the past
we won't learn anything, and we can't
make the best move for our future,
that's why old people said
"history is important, because 
we don't want to repeat what's already
happened in the past"

so, i took all the bitter past that i've
been through, and remind myself not to do the same
mistake just like from the past,
so i could create a sweeter future in life.

Inner peace ya'll

Thursday, January 17, 2013


Okey first thing i wanna say is
i have trouble in getting to sleep,
and mostly in the middle of the night,
i start to over thinking,
i think about,
life, family, love, and sometimes friends

the thing that bothers me mostly is,
i don't know, maybe,
its just because i'd never felt the real love
you know, the true one?
not some teenage puppy love. 
NO, i'm talking about the real one..
Maybe i'm just tired of break ups,
bullshit puppy love, friends with benefits,
maybe i'm not into those things
maybe i'm just the type of guy,
who wants to be with one girl..

i don't know if that's unusual for guys to be,
as you know.. guys should
have fun, meet girls there and that somewhere
i know, usually guys are like that,
and now, i'm kinda thinking,
why the fuck am i not a guy -,-
i mean, every time i wanna be loyal
with someone, they always
broke my heart =___=
i kept on going and going
still i end up broken

is it my fault?
or is it just another lesson
that i need to learn?
nahh i don't know..
Well, i hope i'll meet her one day
the one that i can be loyal with
the one i can be comfortable with
the one who'll understand me,
I pray, that i'll meet her someday :)

Minzzy, signing out~

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

A Story Of A Weird Kid

Different people, different life,
i've heard so many stories about people's lives,
some of them are happy, some of them aren't.

it's sad that not all people get to feel happy,
feel getting accepted,
feel special in every way,
maybe that's why the number of suicide case are increasing
people now days are livin in a world of their own
it's true that today people are getting smarter..
they're smart, but their creativity are so low,
they're all lack of understanding and respect

if we want a better future, we need to stop
with this judgment bullshit,
treat special people like a god damn
son of devil.
we need to respect other people's culture!

the truth is, i'm a weird kid,
i dreamed fiction a lot, i imagine things that aren't real
i'm delusional a lot, i love to do weird stuff.
i call it "weird" because that's what
 people now days said,
what society said!

For FUCK sake, that's me
that's who we really are
people like me, or even special then me..
what did we ever do to you (society)  that
made you mock us like we're a god damn alien?

I'm proud that i'm weird,
we special people are proud to be
ourselves ,

Fuck the society that can't accept us,
we don't need to eat your crap judgment, 
we're awesome in our ways.


Tuesday, January 15, 2013


I search but never find,
I fell for the wrong person so many times..

i always look up to sky watching the stars in the dark
wondering if my one is watching the same stars
as the one i watch..
i wonder so many things about her.

if only i knew her now,
if only i could get to know her right now
i'm so tired of this solitary moments,
i'm done being sad, lonely and all those bullshit
that i went through in 2012..
i wanna put all those things behind me
and move on to new chapter of life

it's not only love that i seek
i'm also searching for understanding, caring
and people who can accept me for who i am,
it's not just love that i want as you can see..

well, if one day i could meet her
i hope she'll be the last one to love
because i want to feel real this time,
a reason to believe in someone again,
a life..

Monday, January 14, 2013


what is Punk? 
is it the way they dress?
is it the way they listen to punk songs?
or is it just another dark image?

Punk was born in the United State late 70's
Punk is largely characterized by a concern for individual
freedom and anti-establishment views.
People always say to me,
"you just have a spiky hair,
that doesn't mean you're punk,
yeahh sure you wear skinny jeans,
dark shirts, grunge style.. but still
you didn't pears your ear,
you didn't highlight your hair, you're not punk!"

Just because i never highlight my hair,
or pear my ears and lips
doesn't mean i'm not punk.
In people's perspective.
they thought that, if you wanna be punk
you need follow this, follow that,
pears this and that,
 wear leather jackets, old boots
spike there and that..
well.. to me,i don't wanna follow those rules.
i'm still into punk, even though maybe i didn't dress
like one, or even i had spiky hair but i didn't highlight them..

It's not the image that makes you punk
its what you believe what's inside you...
and if you believe and accept
punk society, and you can flow with it.
that's good enough to be a punk..

its not whats on the outside,
what matters is what's on the inside
that make who you really are..

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Fighting UFO's with my family??

I had a strange dream just this morning
I dream that the UFO is invading the world .__.
i swear to God i dreamed this

Well it started when me and my family were in a 

this picture shows you what my family looks like
and we're on our way to get some ice cream if i'm not mistaken xD
and then the UFO started to come and shoot lasers 
towards that ice cream shop
and we're all like,
"WTF?? .__."
it was really weird that, i just saw a UFO
flying above me shooting lasers out of no where
but it's kinda cool after they abduct me and my family
so basically we're on one their spaceships
and we act kinda normal,
not panicking, not paranoid
we just act like its nothing .__.
we started to walk around the ship like
its a god damn tour..
and then, one of the aliens come at us, well
i didn't have a clear look at it
so i couldn't describe the alien.. sorry -__-  
one thing for sure, after the alien started to talk
my cousin kill it with his own bare hands
and i was thinking, how the fuck he grew strong =__=

So me and my family started to search the control room
so we could take over the spaceship xD
it was my dad's plan by the way~
searching and searching finally we found the control room
we kill some aliens, kick some ass, and we took over the spaceship
blow the other spaceship with the lasers we control
in the ship
and save the World

Confusion and frustration in modern times

Television lies, politic dogs, newspaper denial. war is business.
reality is hard,

we all have our own lives to feed, to survive, to love
to celebrate, to connect, everything..
and everything we do in this world
has a rule that we need to obey..
maybe sometimes we said,
"we need to be ourselves, we don't need to be 
you're right.. we need to be ourselves,
but sometimes, society just can't accept who we wanted to be
or who we really are, and we felt scared
because, the people around us could reject us because
what we are, 
felt scared that we'll be lonely
felt scared that we'll be mocked
felt scared of losing hope in life..

It's not our fault that we're all hypocrites,
it's  the societies fault that we feel trap,
feeling down looking at ourselves,
feeling insecure..

The world maybe beautiful at first
but when you're bond with the nature
you can see that, the world is no longer in its beauty
all we see is a world that load with craps, criticize 
people, empathy's a lie, paranoia,and disloyal..

choose~ weather you wanna stay being yourself, 
and accept every criticize from the society
you be the pathetic hypocrite that lies to yourself
and be a puppet in this world 

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Punk's not Dead!

Too many style in this world.. grunge, hipster, metal, 
punk, hip hops, nerd, and the most popular now days are "SWAG".
Different types of people, different types of style
we can't blame them for choosing their own style
it's because that's what they wanted to be.
I maybe hate swag, but i'm not an arrogant person.
you see, i can fit in with anybody, as long as they stay friendly :)

i chose to be punk when i was 15, one of my friends
introduce me to a Punk band call Sum 41 and Blink 182
What attracts me in punk is that
how they dress, how they wrote their songs, how they
 perform, how they had fun, all of that attracts me,
and then i started to play guitar, skateboard a little bit,
starting to dress up like Punk and all that.

I have two Punk idols that i admire
first is "Sid Vicious" and second is "Deryck Whibley"
both of them are Punks.
 Sid is like an old school Punk style, and
Deryck is like a bit modern Punk style..
anyway, what bother me is
I barely see the youth now days
are into a style beside Swag
every time i went out with my friends or family
all i see is Swag, Swag everywhere
damn where's the hardcore? metal? grunge?
are they hiding because society now days can't accept them?

I once heard a young kid say this 
"Metal and Hardcore only lives in the late 80's and 90's,
21'st century couldn't suit that kinda custom"

well kid, Punk's not dead while i'm still alive! 


Beyond Future's Brain

"Future kills the eldest, Past challenge the youngest"

First of all, i'm not a mother nature tree huger -,-
this is only my opinion about the future and past,
back in my days, kids have fun at the playground,
you know playing the swings, the see saw, tag, hide and seek..
well now days, kids only shut up and focusing on their god damn
tablets, phones, computer, Play Station, internet
and all other technology that kids crazy about.
if you're saying that "heyy min, don't you surf the internet? play games?"
and i said "no" plus you buying it
you must be genius~ 

All i'm saying is, the future has change a lot of things
look what happen to the youth now
Swag everywhere.. where's the hardcore?
where's the metal? where's the punk? the grunge?
are they all dead? i feel like i'm the only punk kid who's still alive here..

Sometimes i wonder what will the eldest from the 90's or 80's
say to us if they saw us wuss up like this
where's the natural fun? where's the playground excitement gone?
the future not only kills the fun,
it also infect the youngest with violence and brutality
making them follow a wasted idol.
This is not future, this is Aftermath....

"Learn from the pass, to fulfill a  better future" 

The Broken Past

In 2012, i've been through a lot of crap in my life,
heartbroken, broken friends, depression, paranoid,
i feel so insecure sometimes.. and it really bums me out
the future is really exciting , but weather it's going to be
a better future or the other way around.
The truth is, i never expect heartbroken will ever come in 2012,
it's the least thing i expected,
and yet, it happened,
it wasn't easy for me to forget something that i couldn't barely forget.
But we need to move on right?
"The future is scary, but we can't just run back to the past..
yes it's tempting, but it's a mistake"
I just hope one dayi will find someone who can love me back 
just the way i love her
that's all i'm asking, just one person, not two, four, ten.. infinity
no.. just ONE..

The mistakes i've made in 2012 are lesson to me
and i know what my mistakes are,
and i will fix it.
this is the part when i say
"i'm starting new life now, no more same mistake, 
no more broken
no more fall, all i will do is stand up and build up my pride!"

Fiction was bitter, Reality hits hard

It's been a while since i've post a new post in this blog,
i guess, i haven't got much time to wrote down something,
i've stop posting new post since April 2012
after i went through a worst break up ever,
this blog was created late 2011, but i delete
all my old post because, it brings me a lot of
good memories that i want to forget,

In 2012, lot of things happen actually,
i wish i could just wrote down chapter by chapter about it
but, now it's already 2013, so not all people
gives a fuck about 2012 anymore.
I'm just going to write a short story of what happen in 2012

First thing is, i've made a lot of new friends,
i was committed in this one group call
"OBERON gang" for short we just call it "The OB's"
and i've started making new bestfriends
like Danish, Farid, Afiq Tonggek, and Muhd Hafizuddin.
Secondly, i started to smoke Red Marlboro after
my worst break up,. i was too depress that i need
something to clear up my mind. it's an unhealthy way
i know... but, i don't know what else to do,
Thirdly, my social life was kinda level up after 
i started hang out with my new friends, and yeahh it's cool
my style has change a bit, my attitude has change a bit
most of my life has change..
Fourth, i met two friendly girl name Zareth, and Faa 
yeahh they both are one of my closes girlfriends :)
Fifth, Aisyah now has found a new guy that can make her happy,
it's kinda sad that, we both didn't work out
sometimes things just aren't meant to be
and i'm sorry...
and i'm happy for you now seeing that you're really happy :)
Sixth, my friend Aerien.. i don't know weather i should call her sister or something, -,-
i just don't know, but i help her
starting a new life with Danish, and she seems happy :)
so i'm happy for both of them
cause Danish and Aerien means a lot to me
without them, i don't know what'll happen to me :O
and all of my bestfriends has their own relationship
Farid and Adaa, Afiq and Hajah, Hafiz and Hannis,
they're all seems pretty happy,
makes me wish i can find that kinda happiness
maybe one day.. :T

And that's it, about 2012, ohh yeahh and of cause i'm now waiting 
for my SPM result, hope i get good grades and i can
finally continue my studies in University :)

this is minzzy, signing out :)